Dear Fairy Godmother,
A good friend of mine seems to ‘fall in love’ every other week. She always insists that this time she’s found ‘the one.’ I want to be supportive, because I care about her so much, but I just don’t believe it’s ever true. I don’t how to express my concern without sounding like I’m judging her, but some of those past ‘loves’ have turned into pretty severe hurts, and I don’t want her to keep going through this cycle.
I’m just not the kind of person who believes in love at first sight. I’ve always been more of a ‘you-can’t-marry-a-man-you-just-met’ type than a ‘I’ve-found-the-one-wait-what’s-your-name-again?’ type. My friend calls me cynical when I try to rein in her more romantic expectations, but I just don’t believe that love is an immediate reaction.
How do I reconcile our different points of view? Or will our different ways of looking at things eventually pull us apart?
Sincerely,
Too Different?
Dear Too Different,
Friends are a magic all their own, aren’t they? Finding a kindred spirit brings a special kind of joy to our lives. But while most friends have a great deal in common, they are not copies of each other and will almost certainly run into a conflict in views at some point.
A difference in opinion, especially with something like the way you view the world, can feel very personal. It’s always important to approach such disagreements with respect and the knowledge that you are unlikely to change your friend’s mind. Being friends doesn’t mean that you have to agree about everything.
If you are truly worried about your friend’s point of view leading to her being hurt (and it sounds like you are), try to express that worry in a gentle way. Above all, make sure your friend knows she can always come to you if she does get hurt, without judgement or a condescending “I told you so”.
And don’t forget, never stop dreaming!
Your Fairy Godmother
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Kate G. Jameson 