I’ve been living on my own for more than a month now. This weekend, I’ll be heading back to Indiana to participate in my college graduation ceremony and my parents’ house.

And I’ve got mixed feelings about it.

So pardon my rambling, but there’s been a lot on my mind in regards to going back home.

Thought 1: Everything has changed for me, but not for them.

Now I know this isn’t true, but consider it this way. I graduated last December and in the last two months I’ve gotten a job, moved to a different state, and started living on my own. It’s been a huge adjustment and I’ve learned so much (I promise I’ll do a post on that soon). Meanwhile, I’ve been seeing all sorts of posts from my peers about finals, end of classes, and the last experiences of college. They’re stressing out about applying for jobs and figuring out the next step.

On one hand, I can totally relate to that.

But on the other hand, I’m on the other side of that situation now. So while I know how it feels, I feel kind of removed from it all.

Which puts a weird distance between me and my former classmates.

Of course, I’m not actually there, so I don’t know if I’m just imagining all this.

Thought 2: Moving makes your life weird.

Like I said, I’ve been here over a month now. And while in some respects, I feel like I’ve done pretty well settling in, I still feel like an outsider.

And that’s to be expected.

It takes time to get adjusted to a new place. And being an introvert, it takes me a long time to get used to new people.

I’m kind of surrounded by new people right now.

Thought 3: I don’t like being present-focused.

This is a new discovery. I’ve always considered myself a pretty laid back, live in the moment type of gal. Sure, I think about the future and the past, but I’ve always found myself more focused on the now.

But that mindset seems to be working against me recently.

Present-focused is scary. The present is full of new experiences, loneliness, and trying to figure out so many things.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my past, wistfully remembering college and past jobs and internships. I’m worried about the future. Will I still be here after my year internship is up or will I be moving again?

It’s a very strange place for me to be.

Any and all advice is more than welcome.

No video this week, as I’ll be graduating on Saturday. Yay!

Until next time, word nerds!